I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
