is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
