he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
