He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
