Im at strip club and am horny
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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