She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize