just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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