I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
