he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
