Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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