i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Randomize
