I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize