I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
