I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
