you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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