That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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