so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
