apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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