I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
