I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
