Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
