fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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