well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
do herpes really smell.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize