just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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