just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
