Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
