living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
