Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
