; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
