I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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