think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
