Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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