Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
