i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im six kinds of drunk right now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
