I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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