I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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