apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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