Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
