who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
