Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
