Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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