She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
