We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
