his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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