I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
