there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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