If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
