I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
