don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
