PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
