i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
