You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
