i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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