She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
