plz talk dirty to me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
