I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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