Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
