I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
