Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
