i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
