Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
