i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
