I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We named our party play list daddy issues
accomplished twins. life is a go
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
