after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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