why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
