Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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