I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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