thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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