He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
