God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
