Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
