just tell him i said nine months
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
