I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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